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← Bible Theme Park Faces Opposition in Tennessee

Bible Theme Park Faces Opposition in Tennessee - Comments

Tetsujin's Avatar Comment 1 by Tetsujin

HAHA, let them have a little fun. I'm not sure how kids are going to react when instead of mickey mouse they see St. Paul or David.

Would they let little kids hurl stones with slingshots and some steel giant Goliath?

You know as a fantasy world this appeals to me, even as an athiest. Remember kids, none of it is real.

Thu, 15 May 2008 14:32:00 UTC | #171537

Paine's Avatar Comment 2 by Paine

Donald McDonald? You've got to be kidding, right?

With names like that they deserve this ludicrous park.

Thu, 15 May 2008 14:38:00 UTC | #171541

Diacanu's Avatar Comment 3 by Diacanu

Ugh, 200 fucking million.
The money they have at their disposal to throw away on this silly shit is nauseating.

Although, thinking of the money raked in by imaginary animated mice isn't too much better for my gullet either.

Thu, 15 May 2008 14:44:00 UTC | #171543

Chris Roberts's Avatar Comment 4 by Chris Roberts

But that's not what he's going for. Unlike smaller religious attractions, Bar-Tur says, the park would focus on the historical aspects of the Bible â€" not on ministry.

So it's all hot air then, with no substance whatsoever.


Surley the Christian thing to do would be to donate $200m to help those dying of AIDS/malaria/stavation etc in the world.

But that wouldn't make him any money back, would it?

Thu, 15 May 2008 14:45:00 UTC | #171544

AmericanGodless's Avatar Comment 5 by AmericanGodless

"a nondenominational, nonreligious attraction" where you are to "imagine an indoor exhibit on the parting of the Red Sea with water shooting into the air and the booming voice of Moses raining down."

Sorry, my imagination just can't resolve that contradiction.

What a sad waste of farmland.

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:19:00 UTC | #171551

mmurray's Avatar Comment 6 by mmurray

So they are concentrating on the historical aspects like parting the Red Sea. Right.


Thu, 15 May 2008 15:28:00 UTC | #171555

Count von Count's Avatar Comment 7 by Count von Count

...others are concerned about making money off the Bible.

Isn't the whole point of the Bible to make money off people?

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:34:00 UTC | #171558

Damien White's Avatar Comment 8 by Damien White

"Instead of a waterslide, imagine an indoor exhibit on the parting of the Red Sea with water shooting into the air and the booming voice of Moses raining down."

If you can recreate a miracle every hour for the benefit of an audience, doesn't that shed some doubt on the impossibility of it being done in the first place?

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:41:00 UTC | #171566

xrod's Avatar Comment 9 by xrod

$200 million and no roller coasters? Hell, if there were some good rides, I'd go enjoy the thrills and chills while making fun of the fundies in costumes.

What are they counting on? "Oh pleeeease Dad, can we go see the actors working in a Galilean village?" Yeah right.

Maybe they'll make a haunted house out of Jesus' tomb or have a teacups ride with chalice cars.

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:43:00 UTC | #171567

MaxD's Avatar Comment 10 by MaxD

What about Revelation Horror House!

Or abortionist hell!

Those would be super rides. Maybe instead of whack-the-mole they would have hit-the-male-children-and-all-the-non-virgin-women!

That would keep them coming back for more.

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:48:00 UTC | #171568

SomeDanGuy's Avatar Comment 11 by SomeDanGuy

Well isn't this telling:

There's a lot of people who would like to go on a trip to the Holy Lands," he says, "but only a small percentage do, and that's because of time, money and fear

Strange how the places his loving, benevolent god holds most sacred are also the most dangerous.

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:49:00 UTC | #171569

Diacanu's Avatar Comment 12 by Diacanu

If christian rock has taught us anything, is that when you mix the Bible with anything, it suuuuuucks!!

Like saccharine, or licorice root.

Oh wait, Judeo-christian mythology makes for the occasional good horror movie.

But only if secular jews write 'em.

Thu, 15 May 2008 15:59:00 UTC | #171573

dlitt's Avatar Comment 13 by dlitt

How about bungee jumping while crucified?
Or, prizes for the most faithful self-flagellator?
Might make it worth the ticket.

Thu, 15 May 2008 16:10:00 UTC | #171575

LeeC's Avatar Comment 14 by LeeC

Excellent... I want one in Melbourne - so long as no tax payer's money is used at any point.

It would be a great place to take the kids... and think of the food they could provide "Daddy, daddy - can I have a Noah bacon burger pleeeeaaassee"


Thu, 15 May 2008 16:28:00 UTC | #171578

eofor's Avatar Comment 15 by eofor

Think of the merchandising! Pillars of salt, scale models of Noah's Ark, fragments of the true cross, foreskins of the smited, "I went to Bible Park and all I got was this shitty T-shirt". Hell, let's go the whole hog and have a Quran theme park: Islamaland and Mickey-Mujahiadeen ("Daddy daddy- can I have a Abraham-burger pleeeaaassee"). Mmmmm, taste that fat, holy, cash cow.

Thu, 15 May 2008 17:08:00 UTC | #171584

LeeC's Avatar Comment 16 by LeeC

Where do I sign?

Thu, 15 May 2008 17:10:00 UTC | #171586

LiseYates's Avatar Comment 17 by LiseYates

I never wanted to go to church as a child so what makes them think that kids are going to be excited about chruch service on a roller coaster. Sounds like one more reason to vomit, if you ask me.

Thu, 15 May 2008 17:12:00 UTC | #171587

cornbread_r2's Avatar Comment 18 by cornbread_r2

'There's a lot of people who would like to go on a trip to the Holy Lands,' he [Bar-Tur] says, 'but only a small percentage do, and that's because of time, money and fear,' he says. 'The idea is that people could come to the park and see a lot of similar ideas and recreations that you would see.'

From what I gather from my sad pre-occupation with religious television programming in the U.S., the tour business is a very important part of the revenue stream. Almost all of the major televangelists offer all-inclusive tours of the Holy Land, many of them several times a year. While they may not make tons off the tour itself, I'd guess the real money is made in a continuing relationship with the purchaser.

By repeatedly emphasizing in their typical advertisement just how safe a Middle-Eastern tour can be, the televangelists inadvertently call into mind just how much this is a concern for the typical American traveler. This new theme park seems to be an attempt to exploit that fear and the growing number of "boomer" tourists by reconstructing the Holy Land closer to home.

Thu, 15 May 2008 17:50:00 UTC | #171594

Grantaire of JC's Avatar Comment 19 by Grantaire of JC

A roller coaster would be a great thing! A coaster named The Road To Perdition, or The Seven Deadly Sins, Or The Fall (From Grace). They could eat at Cana ( where the wine flows freely), sleep at "The Manger (where you can sleep like a baby) and become a new person by going to The Resurrection Spa. But in the end, it's mindless entertainment. Kids remember Space Mountain for the ride not the symbolism. Let them have their fun because it only creates an impossible sensation to duplicate in real life and it will make people more unhappy as the "word" proves to be less rewarding than the ride.

Thu, 15 May 2008 18:06:00 UTC | #171596

mordacious1's Avatar Comment 20 by mordacious1

The problem is, they make you drag a wooden cross everywhere you go. It's bad enough waiting in line without that thing on your back.

At the arcade they have: Stone the Whore. Three stones for a dollar. They also have: Thump the atheist with a bible game (based on whack a mole). Plus for the thirsty ones: The Jim Jones Purple Kool-aid Challenge (how much can you guzzle before you die a horrible death).

The roller coaster is guaranteed to scare the gayness right out of you.

Oh, I could go on, but you guys get the idea.

Thu, 15 May 2008 18:53:00 UTC | #171607

dragonfirematrix's Avatar Comment 21 by dragonfirematrix


The first paragraph says:

"A developer wants to build what would be the country's largest Bible-based theme park in Tennessee, depicting scenes such as the parting of the Red Sea."

Later, the developer says:

"Bar-Tur says, the park would focus on the historical aspects of the Bible �quot; not on ministry."


Since when did the parting of the Red Sea become a factual historical record?

Did someone prove this actually happened? Who proved it? Can we see a repeat? What are the procedures for parting a sea?

Next thing you know: the park will have a section depicting a deity curing amputees. Sounds like ministry to me.

Will the park illustrate beheadings, burnings at the stack, female mutilation, witch-hunts, gay bashing, religious wars, lies, and the oppression of women? Will the park document how religion attacks freedom, civil rights, civil liberties, human rights, etc? Please correct me if I am wrong, but are not these part of true religious history. How is the park going to relate these horrors to family values?


Now, on the positive side of this debate, if the park has a human size pillar of salt (a big salt block), the deer in the area might well visit the park and be very happy.

Err… uh… well… uh… uh… I cannot think of any more positives.


This park seems a bit like another attempt at sleazy fantasy propaganda from the religious…another place where unsuspecting children can be brainwashed.

I say a park with wild rides, neat stores, great restaurants, babes in tight shorts, impossible to win games, fancy water fountains, and lots of beer would be much more entertaining.


If this bible park manages to actually part a real sea without the help of science, and devices (like huge mobile dams, gigantic sucking pumps, etc.), let me know.

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE JESUS PARK... the water park area, children are asking their parents:

Mommy, can I ride the dunking stool?
Daddy, where is the water board?


Now playing: "Clergy and the Alter Boy(s)"
Tomorrow: "The Teddy Bear Cronicles"
Next Week: "The Preacher's Boyfriend"

Thu, 15 May 2008 18:57:00 UTC | #171608

DingoDave's Avatar Comment 22 by DingoDave

Some suggestions for the park's designers from commentors on PZ Myer's blog pharyngula.
You can find them here. LOL :-)

-I like the idea of larger-than-life biblical characters wandering around and yucking it up for kids, but we'll need some really good characters. The four horsemen of the apocalypse? Goliath? Creepy ol' man Methuselah?
-I want to go see the crucifixion ride! Then right after that - the witch burning show (they use REAL witches!!).
-There's a ride called "Rapture", it's kind of like a slingshot.
-Got to have a casino and a wedding chapel.
-Of course they'll have the Hell ride - with lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth.
-They have a version of whack-a-mole called smite-the-Amalekite.
-I want to ride through the Tunnel of Sin.
-One of those boards with a character's body painted on but with a hole cut where the face would be and you stand there with your own face stuck in the hole for a photo? I'm picturing Jesus on the cross only it's MY face. That would be awesome!
And instead of a Tunnel of Love, you can take a nice boat ride on a river of fire!
- and at night, after the kiddies are asleep in the authentic biblical motel, out in back of the authentic biblical steakhouse and cocktail lounge: the Sodom and Gomorrah Show and Revue!!!!!!
-Mmm, 'exotic dancers'. Salome's dance of the seven veils... yummy. Severed heads served up on platters....
-Oh, I'm sure the Big Bucket O' Snakes will be a big seller at the self-serve cafeteria, where "The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves!"
-or the Hellfire and Brimstone Barbecue Pit
-bloody mary for Sunday Brunch?!
-Why not a Speaking in Tongues Karaoke Bar?
-At all the eateries, the salt shakers should be in the shape of Lot's wife.
-a field for Biblical battle reenactments (Jericho, Gideon vs. the Midianites, etc) complete with loudspeakers to emit the sounds of screaming babies and wailing mothers, as they can't use real babies...that's our department :)
-...and at random points a couple of she-bears leap out of the bushes and eat your children! Up to 42 a day!
-I want a petting zoo/science exhibit where kids can use hands-on biblical science to breed striped animals.
-I suggested that they have a reenactment of Numbers 31, especially the return of the Israelites to Moses with their Midianite captives.
-Navigate an obstacle course of brats insulting you. If you make it through, when you kneel to pray to the Lord after clearing the final course, you engage a switch that has a bear comes out and eat your tormentors.
-The David slingshot game--fell the giant, get 200 foreskins to buy your first wife (Okay, so it's combining two different David sagas--so what?).
-I can't believe nobody has gone into the Passover saga! Paint as many doors as you can with blood in X number of seconds, get a one of those weird Passover toys PZ linked to a while back.
-And waterslides. It's got to have waterslides - call it The River Styx.
-The all you can eat salad bar (every fundie loves all you can eat anything) needs to be the Garden of Eden.

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:04:00 UTC | #171611

DingoDave's Avatar Comment 23 by DingoDave

Here are a couple more suggestions from the same Pharyngula thread.

-I've always thought a theme park ride inspired by Dante's Inferno would be cool...the line could be in a forest environment, then you get into a theme park car next to a projection of Virgil (similar to the atheistic Disneyland Haunted House ride) and you go in a spiraling downward fashion through all the different circles of hell. Part roller-coaster, part edutainment, part gratuitous could be great!

-larger-than-life "biblical" mascots roaming the park, posing for photos. I WANT LOT! . . . WITH OOOZZING SORES!

Etha Williams has suggested that we send our ideas to their website, at:

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:31:00 UTC | #171620

TalentedChimp's Avatar Comment 24 by TalentedChimp

"The park would be financed in part by county-backed bonds and deferred taxes in return for future revenues generated by the park."

Who was it who kicked the money-lenders out of the temple?

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:11:00 UTC | #171629

Caudimordax's Avatar Comment 25 by Caudimordax


Oh my oh my oh my

That was just luscious - I'm surprised that the park designers (who are lacking in nothing save intelligence and a sense of irony) have not contacted you.

Oh, actually nevermind. Expect to see your ideas implemented wholesale without accreditation. (After all, it's IN the Bible!)

EDIT - just noticed you were reposting from Pharyngula - but thank you so much.

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:23:00 UTC | #171631

kram50's Avatar Comment 26 by kram50

I know where they can get an upside-down church!!

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:49:00 UTC | #171632

b0ltzm0n's Avatar Comment 27 by b0ltzm0n

And, just for shits and giggles, once a day they flood the entire fucking park and drown every fucking person there as a way of depicting the great flood.

Oh what fun! I would go and watch... from a safe distance!

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:51:00 UTC | #171633

PJG's Avatar Comment 28 by PJG

HAHA, let them have a little fun. I'm not sure how kids are going to react when instead of mickey mouse they see St. Paul or David.

Would they let little kids hurl stones with slingshots and some steel giant Goliath?

You know as a fantasy world this appeals to me, even as an athiest. Remember kids, none of it is real.

I would agree with this... except that this is where the problem lies. The distinction between reality and fantasy is getting more and more blurred for kids (and uneducated adults).

Truth/lies (damn lies and statistics)

No wonder people are so terrified about uncertainty that they want to base their lives on "unchanging" dogma.

Don't forget too... many of the kids taken to this park will be home-schooled. For all anyone knows, they are going to be told they are "going to where Jesus lived"!

Sad... very, very sad.

Thu, 15 May 2008 21:08:00 UTC | #171636

MaxD's Avatar Comment 29 by MaxD

I tell you I think in the freshman year of every highschool in the US (and many other places besides) they ought to have a critical thinking course, and at least one of the texts they have to read ought to be Carl Sagan's The Demon Haunted World.

I think that might be a good start toward turning this shitty mess around.

Thu, 15 May 2008 21:26:00 UTC | #171639

DingoDave's Avatar Comment 30 by DingoDave

Here's another idea for a roaming Bible character/mascot .

How about a guy (or 2) in a donkey suit wandering around chatting to the punters, pretending to be Baalim's ass?

Or how about a real donkey wandering about with a cassette player strapped to it's head blasting out bible verses?

Thu, 15 May 2008 21:42:00 UTC | #171640