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Rapture site sends unbelievers their last chance ... via email - Comments

Godfree Gordon's Avatar Comment 1 by Godfree Gordon

"run by a small team of Christians who must log on every day to indicate that the rapture has not yet taken place. If enough of them fail to log in, however, the system assumes that the second coming is nigh and sends out messages from all its subscribers"

To: All my friends
From: Godfree
cc: Blaise Pascal
Subject: Just in case of Rapture...

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:23:00 UTC | #184940

Border Collie's Avatar Comment 2 by Border Collie

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Actually, sounds like a pretty good cash flow generator to me.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:28:00 UTC | #184941

Apathy personified's Avatar Comment 3 by Apathy personified

Great business plan - people pay annual fees until jesus: the sequel, occurs (more chance of the sun exploding - which it will do). I'd love it if the site owner turned out to be an atheist.

When they confirm jesus hasn't returned, is it a command box, or is it like kids on a long car journey,
'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'Stop fucking asking!'

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:33:00 UTC | #184945

Grandt's Avatar Comment 4 by Grandt

Could be funny if it was all a typo, and their fables were saying Ruptured, and not Raptured :-)

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:34:00 UTC | #184946

gcdavis's Avatar Comment 5 by gcdavis

I am pleased to announce the launch of the www.endoftheworldisnigh.com website. For a miserly $100 subscription we will be pleased to send you an email at nigh-time (as we like to call it) and if you sign up a friend we will send you commemorative scroll to prove that you were there at the end.

Please hurry as this offer will not be available for ever!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:36:00 UTC | #184949

tahustvedt's Avatar Comment 6 by tahustvedt

Hehe. That's evil. It's along the line of televangelism and other greedy ways of exploiting christians.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:37:00 UTC | #184950

hungarianelephant's Avatar Comment 7 by hungarianelephant

And for the bargain price of $25 per year, I would like to offer rapture insurance. In the event of rapture, I will pay all policyholders $1000, to be distributed to those friends and relatives left behind.

Terms and conditions apply.

[EDIT - and wouldn't you just know, gcdavis beat me to it.]

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:39:00 UTC | #184953

eh-theist's Avatar Comment 8 by eh-theist

tahustvedt beat me too it!

Absolutely - I guess these guys do covet their neighbours cash.

How christian (by their definition of "good") can a person be to steal money from their "family"?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:43:00 UTC | #184957

Grandt's Avatar Comment 9 by Grandt

tahustvedt, for some reason I initially read your comment as "and other greedy ways of exploding christians.".
I can't say I didn't smile at that thought... :-)

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:43:00 UTC | #184958

tahustvedt's Avatar Comment 10 by tahustvedt

Haha. Then they would have one more thing in common with lemmings.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:53:00 UTC | #184966

liberalartist's Avatar Comment 11 by liberalartist

There's a sucker born every second, as they say. Isn't it sweet how christianity and capitalism go so well together, or is it christianity and exploitation? yeah, that too.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:04:00 UTC | #184973

Elles's Avatar Comment 12 by Elles

I confess!

The "Rapture Letters" (http://www.raptureletters.com/) promises to send e-mails to unsaved friends if the Rapture comes for free. I signed Richard Dawkins up for one yesterday. :(

The shame!

I hope he never gets it but... damn... the image of the look on his face if he gets one is so funny that that's almost enough for me to want the book of Revelation to be true.

There. Now it's out. I confessed. I'm so sorry, professor. It will never happen again.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:12:00 UTC | #184979

zeroangel's Avatar Comment 14 by zeroangel

HAHAHAHA!

"A fool and his money are soon parted."

I really wonder what kind of knuckle-dragging morons actually send these con-artists $40.

Heck, I don't know a single person / family member / co-worker who DOES believe in God that is anywhere near as ragingly stupid.

ROTFLMAO.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:15:00 UTC | #184981

Apathy personified's Avatar Comment 13 by Apathy personified

Elles,

It will never happen again.


Don't worry about it, i hear the rapture is a one night show anyway.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:15:00 UTC | #184980

alexmzk's Avatar Comment 15 by alexmzk

And for the bargain price of $25 per year, I would like to offer rapture insurance. In the event of rapture, I will pay all policyholders $1000, to be distributed to those friends and relatives left behind.

really, you could easily afford to offer a pay-off of several million - the odds are greatly stacked in your favour.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:16:00 UTC | #184983

rod-the-farmer's Avatar Comment 16 by rod-the-farmer

My companion offer is that for $5, I offer MY email address, as one who should be notified if the rapture comes. I will set up a special address just for this purpose, and I PROMISE not to check it until I hear the advance warning signal. Whatever that is.

And for $10, I will provide my home or cell phone number (have not yet decided) so I can be advised INSTANTLY. No waiting for me to logon.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:20:00 UTC | #184986

EvidenceOnly's Avatar Comment 18 by EvidenceOnly

Comment #194686 by Apathy personified

Don't want to stereotype or insult anyone, but the founders of this little gold mine might be Jewish.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:27:00 UTC | #184991

hungarianelephant's Avatar Comment 17 by hungarianelephant

alexmzk - Of course. But I thought that I wouldn't like to make an offer which was so obviously too good to be true.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:27:00 UTC | #184990

justinesaracen's Avatar Comment 19 by justinesaracen

Evidence:


>>>>>Don't want to stereotype or insult anyone, but the founders of this little gold mine might be Jewish.<<<<

Wow. I haven't seen a remark like this in ages. I am assuming it is meant ironically, right?

But why wouldn't you assume they're um...atheists?

In fact, it's such a smart scam, and probably legal, that I would have no trouble at all attributing it to atheists wanting to shame fundidiots.

Wish I had thought of it.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:39:00 UTC | #184996

huzonfurst's Avatar Comment 20 by huzonfurst

Why didn't I think of this?? Oh well, back to churning out tortillas with Jesus on them...

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:40:00 UTC | #184997

MarcLindenberg's Avatar Comment 21 by MarcLindenberg

Wow, sounds like a con I would devise... but they might actually have systems in place... I am confident enough that I would just make the website :P Screw actually making it work...

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:41:00 UTC | #184998

BW022's Avatar Comment 22 by BW022

So after the locust, plagues, bells, fire from the skies, etc. descend then Jesus is going to come back to Earth? Meanwhile, those who are faithful are going to be sent straight to heaven and this system is going to e-mail friends and family who don't believe in this?

Some obvious flaws here... besides all of it...

What if all this destruction takes out the e-mail servers, computers, power, etc.?

What if there are enough believers working at the power companies going to heaven and the power goes out?

What if I want to stay and talk with Jesus? If he is so great, why would you want to go away when he is coming to Earth?

Why would I need an e-mail to convince me that the end of the world is coming if I can presumably see it and/or talk to Jesus about it? I mean if e-mail is working I assume CNN or 60 Minutes might want to run some pictures of the burning sky or an interview with Mr. Christ.

Why would this nice Jesus guy not show me to heaven?

If you need e-mails to convince folks that they need to belief in God/Jesus then does that mean all the illiterate, children, or folks without e-mail aren't going to heaven? Just because you don't have e-mail or are too young to read, Jesus is sending you to hell?

If humans can setup computer to e-mail folks and this is sufficient to convince them about God/Jesus, then why can't God/Jesus just e-mail, phone, talk, mind-meld, etc. to folks before killing them all? If I was about to mass-murder nine billion people because they didn't belief in me, why not give them an honest chance to believe in me?

Then again, it isn't smart to ask too many questions about religion.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:50:00 UTC | #185002

Prankster's Avatar Comment 23 by Prankster

Excuse me while I pick myself up off the fucking floor *giggles insanely*

So true that christianity and cash go palm in sweaty palm-how fucking gullible are people?

I really hope they're not using "Windows Outlook" to send the e-mails out-the "Rapture" could have been and gone by the time the bloody e-mails have gone out.

Idiots. However looks like the "toast with the image of the virgin mary" and the orange with the pips in spelling "God" ideas both need refining again.......

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:56:00 UTC | #185005

Teratornis's Avatar Comment 24 by Teratornis

Comment #194688 by Grandt:


Could be funny if it was all a typo, and their fables were saying Ruptured, and not Raptured :-)


The word "rapture" does not actually occur in the Bible. For example:

http://bibleresources.bible.com/keywordsearchresults.php?multiplemethod=all&numpageresults=25&select=searchBible&keyword=rapture&Submit.x=0&Submit.y=0&version=9

The Bible makes some predictions about the future, but they are all so vague that even people who want to believe the Bible is literally true are unable to agree on exactly what the Bible predicts. The pre-tribulationist school of eschatology probably gets the most press coverage, but it is by no means the only interpretation of the fragmented, contradictory, and often allegorical prophecies scattered about the Bible.

For a mind-numbing overview, see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_eschatology

It's like the situation with Nostradamus, and pretty much every irrational belief system (UFOs, Bigfoot, etc.). The quality of prediction is similar to what you get from a magic 8-ball.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:58:00 UTC | #185007

advocatus_diaboli's Avatar Comment 25 by advocatus_diaboli

It's like the situation with Nostradamus, and pretty much every irrational belief system (UFOs, Bigfoot, etc.).


Hey now, there is no reason to drag bigfoot into this. I know in my heart he's real, okay!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:01:00 UTC | #185009

mordacious1's Avatar Comment 26 by mordacious1

Damn, the rapture happened and I didn't notice, and I forgot to check my inbox. I'm screwed.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:14:00 UTC | #185015

Ygern's Avatar Comment 27 by Ygern

Apparently they do not think that the Rapture (or whatever) is going to end the world. The ungodly and unsaved will still be around afterwards - these are the ones who will be the recipients of the paid-for e-mails.

I should imagine they all run along the lines of 'I told you so'.

Still, one is tempted to try and trigger a Rapturous Response from the server :-)

On the other hand, there can be nothing more humiliating than logging on day after day, year after year, just to type: Still no Rapture. Damn.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:16:00 UTC | #185016

black wolf's Avatar Comment 28 by black wolf

The Rapture already happened in the year 1323. There were no emails back then, and the dozen or so true Christians suddenly gone weren't missed. Christians, get over it, it's too late. You are in Hell, this is it. You are damned, along with all your future descendants, to live your life out until death on this Earth, for eternity. Praying and pleading, going to church and handing out tracts will do nothing for you or anybody else now, the judgment has been spoken. God has chosen those to praise him in Heaven for all eternity, and you are not of them. Now deal with it.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:21:00 UTC | #185017

Doctor Dee's Avatar Comment 29 by Doctor Dee

... more than one member being taken out by, attack, natural disaster, or epidemic ...


This was the clause I homed in on. Does that make me a nasty person?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:26:00 UTC | #185020

Teratornis's Avatar Comment 30 by Teratornis

Comment #194776 by advocatus_diaboli:


Hey now, there is no reason to drag bigfoot into this. I know in my heart he's real, okay!


Don't get me wrong, I respect your beliefs, but I say if Bigfoot is real, let him complain.

I'm not saying I can prove the nonexistence of Bigfoot, any more than I can definitively rule out the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but the odds against the existence of any large North American cryptids seem overwhelming. Particularly now that biologists and hunters have infrared cameras and so on.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptid

If Moore's law keeps exponentiating onward, eventually every square meter of U.S. territory could be under constant surveillance, sharply reducing the ability of any remaining cryptids to hide here.

Has anyone else noticed that reports of the Chupacabra originate almost entirely from the Hispanic community, and not from their Anglo neighbors who live nearby?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:27:00 UTC | #185021