This site is not maintained. Click here for the new website of Richard Dawkins.

← IT'S A GODDAMNED CRACKER!

IT'S A GODDAMNED CRACKER! - Comments

kraut's Avatar Comment 1 by kraut

Get some perspective, man. IT'S A CRACKER.


no PZ, ones the priest speaks the magic words consecrating it - it magically transforms into the body of christ, for christsakes.

I guess, magic is something you heathens just don't get...

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:38:00 UTC | #196312

EarthChild's Avatar Comment 2 by EarthChild

We really should not poke fun at these people...... I know its only a cracker but imagine how I would feel if a Holy Noodle was removed from the temple of the FSM ?????

Sorry Irate .... FUCKTARDS !!!! and call me Polly.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:42:00 UTC | #196313

8teist's Avatar Comment 3 by 8teist

Call the FBI the priest said that the wafer had been kidnapped .



FOR dogs sake keep the teensy weensy wafer away from Mr Creosote.....................

Step away from the wafer.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:46:00 UTC | #196315

adk's Avatar Comment 4 by adk

This is hilarious. Reminds me of this line from 'The Important of Being Earnest' :

Jack: Do you mean to say you have had my cigarette case all this time? I wish to goodness you had let me know. I have been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was very nearly offering a large reward.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:51:00 UTC | #196318

Dr Doctor's Avatar Comment 5 by Dr Doctor

I think the Roman Catholic has every right to be disgusted that the cracker isn't passing out of Websters' backside and into sewers. It is blasphemy, and *he* entered the church which makes it an invasion as well as an act of provocation.

It isn't as if it is some mere Pringle, Disco, Walkers or Cheesey Wotsit potato-chip here. This is the body of Christ (well, one of them). What next, a rinse and spit of the Blood Of Christ?

Webster Cook should go to hell, and burn to a crisp.

Hows about that for Christian forgiveness?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:56:00 UTC | #196319

Dr Doctor's Avatar Comment 6 by Dr Doctor

So Priests are like wizards?

Looks to me like Martin Luther had a point.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:00:00 UTC | #196321

clodhopper's Avatar Comment 7 by clodhopper

But....but...it was a Jebus Cream Cracker

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:06:00 UTC | #196323

Dr Doctor's Avatar Comment 8 by Dr Doctor

Well the guy should thank his lucky rabbits foot that he wasn't killed like Rowland Taylor was.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:07:00 UTC | #196324

black wolf's Avatar Comment 9 by black wolf

'No, your honor, our exorcism didn't kill that man. We just transformed his soul into something else. His death was caused by purely natural malnutrition and injury. We are innocent.'

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:16:00 UTC | #196325

EarthChild's Avatar Comment 10 by EarthChild

Brian:
Well, if an ordinary cracker is the blood and body of Jeebus. What's the extra ingredient of a Jeebus cream cracker? The coming of the Lord?


Actually the second cumming ....................

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:19:00 UTC | #196326

mordacious1's Avatar Comment 11 by mordacious1

I'd rather make off with a couple of liters of the sacrificial wine.

Maybe PZ can get an altar boy to do the deed. I hear they'll do anything for money.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:32:00 UTC | #196329

mordacious1's Avatar Comment 12 by mordacious1

HOLY CRACKERS Batman, they've stolen the body of christ.

To the batmobile Robin, we've got to get jesus back to Gotham City.

Erm, well Batman, I had a little problem with a priest when I was younger...do you think you could get Alfred to help you with this one?

So that's why father O'Malley named you "the boy wonder".

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:38:00 UTC | #196330

Oromasdes1978's Avatar Comment 13 by Oromasdes1978

These people are insane, just dribblingly, marks & spencer white y front underpants on head pencils up their nose bonkers.

Most people would be outraged by the symbolism of cannibalism being shown in eating the body of Jebus, but noooooooooooo its religion, so its somehow ok!

Now they have armed guards there? WTF???


Don't get me started on Bill Donohue...


Philip

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:51:00 UTC | #196334

Dr Doctor's Avatar Comment 14 by Dr Doctor

The religious lobby is demonstrating in no uncertain terms that hysterical over-reactions are an effective defensive shield.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:01:00 UTC | #196338

King of NH's Avatar Comment 15 by King of NH

The wafers are nasty, too... Like cardboard. Yuk!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:01:00 UTC | #196339

clodhopper's Avatar Comment 16 by clodhopper

I mean....does it have to be a wafter or a cracker or a loaf of unlevened bread? Could they intone the magic words over say, my bike - and turn that into the body of christ. How would they know if that worked or not? Would the bike handle differently?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:12:00 UTC | #196341

Apemanblues's Avatar Comment 17 by Apemanblues

It's the Catholics fault for not using Jaffa Cakes.

Nobody could resist eating them.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:21:00 UTC | #196345

Oromasdes1978's Avatar Comment 18 by Oromasdes1978

I got this from the article http://www.wftv.com/news/16806050/detail.html

"We've been praying about that," she said.
(Carol Brinati with the Diocese of Orlando)t


So right, with this praying, did God at ANY point start hurling the lightning or do ANYTHING to get what supposedly is his son back?

Do these people not think at all? If that really was the Body of Christ, God would have smote Cook's arse before he got the sodding wafer back to his room!

GIVETH ME MINE SON BACK! KAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOMMM!

End of story

But no, the ones who want it back are getting frantic that it is THEM God is going to punish unless the perform the right ceremony to sort it all out??

Gonzalez said intentionally abusing the Eucharist is classified as a mortal sin in the Catholic church, the most severe possible. If it's not returned, the community of faith will have to ask for forgiveness.

"We have to make acts of reparation," Gonzalez said. "The whole community is going to turn to prayer. We'll ask the Lord for pardon, forgiveness, peace, not only for the whole community affected by it, but also for [Cook], we offer prayers for him as well."


Catholicism is a religion of FEAR, they are utterly nasty to themselves, they really are - the more "hurt" they feel the more appropriate it seems, why? Are they sadomasochists as well as into ritualised cannibalism?

Nutters

Philip

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:22:00 UTC | #196346

John Desclin's Avatar Comment 19 by John Desclin

This is unbelievable!
What has become of America?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:25:00 UTC | #196347

Ansu's Avatar Comment 20 by Ansu

Well..
a) technically, it IS kiddnapping. See my diagram:

1)Kidnapping is seizing a person against it will
2)crakers have no will
3)he took the craker agaisnt its will ( no will means it couldnt have cooperated)
4)The craker is the body of christ
5)he took christ agaisnt its will.

ergo

6)he kidnapped Christ.

BUT

7) hadnt he kiddnapped it, it would had been eated
8) being eated means , normally, death
9) he who saves a you from been eated saves your life from death
10) he saved jesus.
11) jesus saves

ergo

12) he is jesus

See, theres no problem!
Bad logic rules.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:26:00 UTC | #196348

scottishgeologist's Avatar Comment 21 by scottishgeologist

Hah! Reminds me of the joke about the guy being taken round an asylum on a visit - Sees a guy with his dick in between two Ritz biscuits. Asks "Whats he up to?" Answer "Ignore him he's f*cking crackers!"

And here we have, in this bizarre story an example of truth being stranger than fiction....

:-)
SG

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:31:00 UTC | #196349

mordacious1's Avatar Comment 22 by mordacious1

When I was a kid, they put the wafer right in your mouth. I understand that they changed that to putting it in your hand, then you place it in your mouth. I'm sure there will be copycats doing this now that it is on the web. All you have to do is attend the mass long enough to receive the wafer, then bolt. No hefty nun would stop me as I took off, either.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:33:00 UTC | #196350

clodhopper's Avatar Comment 23 by clodhopper

SG: Hah! Creamed Crackers!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:41:00 UTC | #196353

riki's Avatar Comment 24 by riki

Stealing the flesh of Christ. I'm surprised God didn't zap the Universe and revoke redemption.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:42:00 UTC | #196354

Uhtred's Avatar Comment 25 by Uhtred

I hope Sylvester Stallone is aware of this 'cause it would be a great script idea for the next Rambo film!
The story line could run something like: The Pope convinces Rambo to come out of retirement on his dad's ranch to rescue abducted holy cracker from atheist cabal. After much death and carnage, where the abductor himself has his spine wrenched out through his mouth, the cracker is safely returned to Church. Perhaps Mel Gibson could direct it (the atheist cabal could be a largely Jewish one)?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:53:00 UTC | #196356

huzonfurst's Avatar Comment 26 by huzonfurst

Oh man, it's only five days until Sunday!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:57:00 UTC | #196357

SeaLife's Avatar Comment 27 by SeaLife

hahahaha

If I typed out all the "ha"s that this story deserves, the internet would explode.

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:03:00 UTC | #196361

the way's Avatar Comment 28 by the way

I wonder how many of these crackers are pinched and spoiled in the places where they are made, or stolen by hungry kids (and priests) around the world.

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:04:00 UTC | #196363

Slinky's Avatar Comment 29 by Slinky

They tried to force him to eat Jebus?

Canibals, disgusting :)

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:10:00 UTC | #196365

V'Ger's Avatar Comment 30 by V'Ger

This is hilarious.

Is there a market for these on eBay... you know - for people too lazy to attend church?

"Roll up, roll up... getcha body of Christ right here... only 15 quid a nibble".

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:11:00 UTC | #196366