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← Chuck Norris: Mary Might Have Aborted Jesus Christ Under ObamaCare/'Herodcare'

Chuck Norris: Mary Might Have Aborted Jesus Christ Under ObamaCare/'Herodcare' - Comments

ScaryJerry1970's Avatar Comment 1 by ScaryJerry1970

Bruce Lee died. Chuck Norris lived. Proof that there is no God.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:45:00 UTC | #425402

bucklap's Avatar Comment 2 by bucklap

and if only Chuck Norris' mother had been offered the same healthcare......

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:48:00 UTC | #425405

Gregg Townsend's Avatar Comment 3 by Gregg Townsend

1. Comment #443988 by ScaryJerry1970

Not to mention Brandon Lee.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:53:00 UTC | #425408

Rev.JeffroBodean's Avatar Comment 4 by Rev.JeffroBodean

Chuck Norris has a syndicated column? Maybe these really are the end times.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 17:58:00 UTC | #425409

Mitch Kahle's Avatar Comment 5 by Mitch Kahle

Why not just abort Jesus for our sins?

Perhaps that was God's original plan after all...

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:00:00 UTC | #425410

bgrozev's Avatar Comment 6 by bgrozev

There was an episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia"[1], in which Mac goes to a protest to pick up pro-life chicks and comes up with a poster that says "What if Jesus was aborted?". Good stuff.

[1]Season one, episode two.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:02:00 UTC | #425412

DamnDirtyApe's Avatar Comment 7 by DamnDirtyApe

Surely the bible has something to say about out-of-wedlock pregnancies.

Oh yeah. That's adultery!
I believe there's a biblical punishment for that. Something beginning with S I think. Perhaps Mr Norris will know.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:04:00 UTC | #425415

Tom S. Fox's Avatar Comment 8 by Tom S. Fox

Hey, Chuck, we are not the ones saying that out-of-wedlock pregnancy is something bad.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:06:00 UTC | #425416

jjmorris2000's Avatar Comment 9 by jjmorris2000

Ah Chuck Norris. A font of wisdom that I always turn to when I'm looking for bad theology mixed with bad social policy, bad science and bad manners.

You know, though, that if his rants were published in the Onion they'd be hilarious. This one in particular is full of blasphemy that if it were intended to be funny would have the religious right up in arms. Seriously - suggesting that the Holy Virgin would have gotten an abortion if she could have? Bill Donohue would be screaming for Norris's head if Norris had written this as intentional comedy.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:21:00 UTC | #425423

jonny_eh's Avatar Comment 10 by jonny_eh

What if Hitler's mother aborted? Or Ghengis Khan's mother? Or Stalin?

This whole argument is silly.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:22:00 UTC | #425425

holop's Avatar Comment 11 by holop

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down. Ah, and he has counted to infinity-twice.

Never mess with Chuck Norris!

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:43:00 UTC | #425427

YHWH's Avatar Comment 12 by YHWH

Actually, Mary did have an abortion. Bloody Joseph. Just couldn't keep it in his pants. Nearly screwed the whole thing up. Had to do all that business with the star, the angels and the shepherds and three wise men just to divert attention. And then only two of those damned gospel writers bothered to put it in.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:45:00 UTC | #425429

wald0h's Avatar Comment 13 by wald0h

Okay Chuck is stupid, but the comments on his blog are wonderful. Check this out;

"Hey then we would have all been saved 33 years earlier!"

I pretty much spit coffee all over my desk here.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:47:00 UTC | #425431

wetbread's Avatar Comment 14 by wetbread

"What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare?"

Maybe she wouldn't have had to deliver her child in the filthiest place imaginable.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:50:00 UTC | #425432

Dr. Strangegod's Avatar Comment 15 by Dr. Strangegod

Gregg - It can't rain all the time.

jonny_eh - Please don't equate Genghis Khan with Hitler and Stalin. Learn the many differences.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:16:00 UTC | #425441

Lagomort's Avatar Comment 16 by Lagomort

Is Mr. Norris under the delusion that the world has been laughing with him all this time?

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:19:00 UTC | #425442

Scot Rafkin's Avatar Comment 17 by Scot Rafkin

Great question, Chuck! Let me take a crack at answering it for you. Let's see. Jesus was the son of dog and dog himself, so the abortion wouldn't have mattered much to dog or dog's son. On the other hand, we wouldn't have Christianity. So in short, we would all be much better off.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:33:00 UTC | #425447

ghuckin's Avatar Comment 18 by ghuckin

Hey Chucky. I'll tell you what would have happened if Mary had aborted. The name would have changed, but the story would be the same. We'd now be fielding inane questions like "What would Avner do?"

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:36:00 UTC | #425449

Peacebeuponme's Avatar Comment 19 by Peacebeuponme

So, Chuck Norris supports the Obama healthcare plan?

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:37:00 UTC | #425450

Peacebeuponme's Avatar Comment 20 by Peacebeuponme


Please don't equate Genghis Khan with Hitler and Stalin. Learn the many differences.
Yes, Hitler and Stalin didn't rape nearly as many women.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:39:00 UTC | #425451

prettygoodformonkeys's Avatar Comment 21 by prettygoodformonkeys

Norris writes

Jesus wept

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:52:00 UTC | #425454

root2squared's Avatar Comment 22 by root2squared

So Mary would have had an abortion if she could? But god still put himself inside her? Because he knew there was no health care plan for abortion? Because he did not create one? If Mary had aborted, would god have died? No? Then he could come back again, right? If yes, then we wouldn't need saving, right?

I'm confused.

Oh wait. Forgot to -
1) Switch off my logic circuits
2) Activate compartments in the brain
3) Get drunk

OK. Now it makes perfect sense.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:06:00 UTC | #425458

jcob82's Avatar Comment 23 by jcob82

Hey god should have been supporting Mary...after all didn't he knock her up? So Chuck Norris is saying god is a deadbeat dad? If Jesus had been aborted just think of all the innocent people who wouldn't have been killed in his name and all the advances of science that might have happened had not scientific thought been retarded and suppressed by the church founded in his name.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:11:00 UTC | #425460

black wolf's Avatar Comment 24 by black wolf

from the comments at Norris's blog:

Give2TheTroops will send "Chuck" abroad
To encourage our troops this Christmas, will also send copy of Chuck's new "Official Chuck Norris Fact Book" to troops in Afghanistan in their care packages. Order on Amazon 414334494 but have book shipped to Give2TheTroops Headquarters, 196 West Street, Rocky Hill, CT 06067 (OR go to website and click on Chuck's image)

no comment

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:18:00 UTC | #425462

Sciros's Avatar Comment 25 by Sciros

black wolf,
The "chuck norris fact book" is all stuff like how Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer but too bad he's never cried. Our troops can use inspiration like that!!

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:24:00 UTC | #425463

Jeremy Nel's Avatar Comment 26 by Jeremy Nel

Chuck's column is HILARIOUS! (And so are some of the responses here.) That cheered me up nicely.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:36:00 UTC | #425467

sbooder's Avatar Comment 27 by sbooder

Statements like Chuck Norris's are very familiar to me at the moment.

I am in debate with a guy over evolution and Peppered Moths on the youtube, I am not sure where Statements and information like this come from. Well...I do, but i can not believe they do.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 20:45:00 UTC | #425468

DAN643's Avatar Comment 28 by DAN643

Ah. I love After a day at work with conservatives bashing "Obamacare" and global warming, and praising stories on this site always brings a big sigh of relief! :)

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:01:00 UTC | #425478

DamnDirtyApe's Avatar Comment 29 by DamnDirtyApe

Saw the virgin mary she was cryin' blood,
tears congregated to a mighty flood.
Gave her some directions to a specialist,
an eye doctor to help the cyst.
She took the wrong turn at the family planning.

-Super Furry Animals.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:04:00 UTC | #425479

ImAnAtheistGodDamnIt's Avatar Comment 30 by ImAnAtheistGodDamnIt

wow I never knew he was such a retard.

It's incredible to me how the american right wingers can fit such anti help-your-neighbor views in their religious believes.
These people are like sheeps, don't ever think for them selves and believe every thing fox news says, even if it runs contrary to their über hardcore religous believes.
I guess religion is a great tool to contol people.

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:14:00 UTC | #425483