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← A New Jack Chick Tract: Moving On Up!

JackR's Avatar Jump to comment 12 by JackR

Ah, dear crazy old Jack Chick. He's not getting any saner, is he? This one is particularly batshit, even by his standards.

I was 18 when I first saw one of these insane tracts. It was 1977 and I was at Leeds University. There was a knock on my door. Two young men asked if they could come in and talk to me about Jesus. Turned out they were representing something called the "Campus Crusade for Christ". I was about two years into being a militant atheist so I gave them a warm smile, tried not to salivate, and invited them in.

One guy did all the talking; his mate was one of those silent, vacant-eyed drips who might as well have "personality-free cult victim" branded on their foreheads. Anyway, talkie-guy thrust a small leaflet into my hand and asked me to read it. It was this old favourite.

I read it. I was actually shocked. I was an atheist, sure, but in all the arguments I'd had with parents, priests and fellow churchgoers I'd never had to deal with anything this childishly deranged and almost freakishly unintelligent. I'd been all braced for a nice argument about Pascal and Anselm and Augustine... and this perfectly normal-looking, well-spoken guy was expecting me to take this sub-cretinous scribble seriously? I honestly couldn't believe it. Of course, it wasn't until later I discovered this drivel had originated from the lunatic fringe of American Christianity. In those pre-internet days England was largely spared that (barring the odd visit from Billy Graham and his ilk)

Anyway, I handed the tract back to the guy, looked him long in the eye and said "Please tell me this is a joke. Please tell me you don't take that ridiculous litle comic seriously"

He looked offended and assured me he did, and that if I didn't, I was going to hell. I just told him that if heaven meant being in the same place as the kinda of diseased brainstem who could react to Jack Chick with anything but huge derision, hell was just fine by me. And then I told him to get out and stop making such a goddamned fool of himself. As they left I tapped his companion on the shoulder and said, "I know you think this guy's the greatest, but please consider that he might in fact be a screwed-up twat who's feeding you bullshit by the bucketload. Please just consider that next time you think about this stuff on your own."

The other guy overheard, as I'd intended, yelled something like "You won't think you're so smart when you're frying in hell!" I just told him to fuck off and grow up. Sadly, my experiences since then have led me to the conclusion that the sort of person who can ever take a Jack Chick tract seriously isn't ever going to be able to grow up.

Sat, 03 May 2008 13:12:00 UTC | #165874