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← Bible Theme Park Faces Opposition in Tennessee

DingoDave's Avatar Jump to comment 22 by DingoDave

Some suggestions for the park's designers from commentors on PZ Myer's blog pharyngula.
You can find them here. LOL :-)

-I like the idea of larger-than-life biblical characters wandering around and yucking it up for kids, but we'll need some really good characters. The four horsemen of the apocalypse? Goliath? Creepy ol' man Methuselah?
-I want to go see the crucifixion ride! Then right after that - the witch burning show (they use REAL witches!!).
-There's a ride called "Rapture", it's kind of like a slingshot.
-Got to have a casino and a wedding chapel.
-Of course they'll have the Hell ride - with lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth.
-They have a version of whack-a-mole called smite-the-Amalekite.
-I want to ride through the Tunnel of Sin.
-One of those boards with a character's body painted on but with a hole cut where the face would be and you stand there with your own face stuck in the hole for a photo? I'm picturing Jesus on the cross only it's MY face. That would be awesome!
And instead of a Tunnel of Love, you can take a nice boat ride on a river of fire!
- and at night, after the kiddies are asleep in the authentic biblical motel, out in back of the authentic biblical steakhouse and cocktail lounge: the Sodom and Gomorrah Show and Revue!!!!!!
-Mmm, 'exotic dancers'. Salome's dance of the seven veils... yummy. Severed heads served up on platters....
-Oh, I'm sure the Big Bucket O' Snakes will be a big seller at the self-serve cafeteria, where "The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves!"
-or the Hellfire and Brimstone Barbecue Pit
-bloody mary for Sunday Brunch?!
-Why not a Speaking in Tongues Karaoke Bar?
-At all the eateries, the salt shakers should be in the shape of Lot's wife.
-a field for Biblical battle reenactments (Jericho, Gideon vs. the Midianites, etc) complete with loudspeakers to emit the sounds of screaming babies and wailing mothers, as they can't use real babies...that's our department :)
-...and at random points a couple of she-bears leap out of the bushes and eat your children! Up to 42 a day!
-I want a petting zoo/science exhibit where kids can use hands-on biblical science to breed striped animals.
-I suggested that they have a reenactment of Numbers 31, especially the return of the Israelites to Moses with their Midianite captives.
-Navigate an obstacle course of brats insulting you. If you make it through, when you kneel to pray to the Lord after clearing the final course, you engage a switch that has a bear comes out and eat your tormentors.
-The David slingshot game--fell the giant, get 200 foreskins to buy your first wife (Okay, so it's combining two different David sagas--so what?).
-I can't believe nobody has gone into the Passover saga! Paint as many doors as you can with blood in X number of seconds, get a one of those weird Passover toys PZ linked to a while back.
-And waterslides. It's got to have waterslides - call it The River Styx.
-The all you can eat salad bar (every fundie loves all you can eat anything) needs to be the Garden of Eden.

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:04:00 UTC | #171611