(apologies to Elton John, but, hey...)

Hey kids, let’s all get together
It’s all just petty gossip
And good Catholics they know better
You’ve been left in our care tonight
So, please don’t frown
Confession is just what you need boys
When the pope’s around

(chorus)
Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
But they’re so perved out, B-B-B-Bennie and the peds
Oh but they're creepy and delusional
Oh Bennie he's real obscene
He's got a pointy hat, a Vatican flat
You know he’s coming here to see the queen
B-B-B-Bennie and the peds

Hey kids, just ignore the faithless
Cardinals are holy
And Bennie’s not contagious
We shall survive, we’ve been doing this so long
Because they’ll never get us into court
To find who's right and who's wrong

(chorus x2)