Interesting stuff; this is a slight digression and I have no wish to derail the thread but I have a question. As someone who has also married into a German family, in which my wife's and her parents generation acknowledge the events of the 1930s and 40s but the grandparents, great aunts and uncles deny it and also a family in which a wall of silence between the generations has developed over this issue, I am interested to know whether people think I should pick at this particular scab. I must admit that I have a personal itch to see the topic blown open within the family, possibly because I have a slightly combative nature myself and can hardly bear the idea that people can be left to complacently deny such a horror, but also because it feels unhealthy to me to have such a huge 'no go' area in an otherwise intimate group.

I am totally open to anyone's opinion here so don't beat around the bush trying to be polite.