Am I doing the right thing, or should I try to accept reality, no matter that it provides me with no hope?

I think a lot of people have switched from belief in 'God' to belief in 'something'. Despite what other atheists may say...this really doesn't surprise me. The basic problems of existence, good and evil, etc etc, really haven't been answered.........and personally I find ( on a much deeper level of thought ) the cold indifferent universe every bit as problematic as any white bearded guy in the sky.

I think the 'pendulum effect'......swinging back some way towards 'belief', and so on back to atheism, is an inevitable part of the utterly stark contrast between belief and atheism. Some of it is ( certainly in my case ) due to a truly deep struggle to get to grips with issues that neither side really resolve.

None of which should be a problem to anyone. It's the established religions, with their dogma and creed, that are the major problem.