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← Queen 'should remain Defender of the Faith' - BBC poll

Katy Cordeth's Avatar Jump to comment 19 by Katy Cordeth

The British Royal Family has pretty much been a laughing stock in this country and elsewhere ever since It's a Royal Knockout was broadcast back in 1987. Subsequent scandals, involving everything from toe-sucking to the heir apparent's professed wish to be a tampon; royal divorces, half-blood princes in Nazi uniforms, and what with them all being ten-foot lizards and that; all of these things have contributed to the current widespread view that Liz and her clan would be better placed being guests on The Jeremy Kyle show (read Jerry Springer if you're outside the UK) than being this nation's nominal rulers.

I was quite taken aback when in her Christmas-Day speech last year, her maj started going on about Jesus. But then I always hate it when people start trying to make Christmas about religion — it's not: it's about presents, family and friends, and conspicuous over-consumption. The Queen gets one day a year when she's given airtime to say whatever she wants, without having her words written by some sleazy politician, and she goes and alienates all the non-Christians who are sitting there, doped-up to their gills on tryptophan and brandy butter and Quality Street, who have taken time out to listen to the silly monarch out of a sense of politeness and tradition and because the speech is usually quite short (and because she might mention her horrible bottom again).

We in this country (and I include myself even though I'm half-American) tolerate the royals largely because of Elizabeth II. We know that they're all a bunch of inbred, racist, Hitler-loving, animal-torturing, adulterous, workshy, servant-bothering, scullery-maid-impregnating, sour-faced, barely literate halfwits. But Liz has had the nous to stay out of politics, express no opinions, and generally keep her regal head down. And by doing so has earned a lot of respect and goodwill, both here and abroad.

I don't know what will happen, though, when the old dear breathes her last and goes to the big foxhunt in the sky. Charles isn't very prepossessing and has little moral authority*, and his son is a product of the 21st century and someone I can't imagine is overly religious.

*And bizarrely has expressed the desire to, on his ascendancy, turn Buck House into a hotel.

Tue, 15 May 2012 12:52:35 UTC | #941581