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← UPDATED: Why I want all our children to read the King James Bible

Katy Cordeth's Avatar Jump to comment 17 by Katy Cordeth

....Adam's sin is perhaps mitigated by the extenuating circumstance that he didn't exist. In any case it never amounted to more than scrumping....

I must admit that it had never occurred to me that all the horrors that have been perpetrated on our race in the name of God over the last few thousand years: the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Irish troubles; the destruction of the World Trade Center and the subsequent revenge attacks from the West; the oppression of women in the triumvirate of Abrahamic faiths; the abuse inflicted on children, whether it was done with leather belts by psychopathic, sexually frustrated nuns or with penises by inadequate, childlike priests; the shame and persecution visited on individuals who found themselves attracted to those who happened to share the same reproductive had genuinely never occurred to me that all of this horror could be directly attributed to an incident of scrumping.

What happened, did God overdose on Enid Blyton books when He was a boy? And is this why Islam has such a hair up its bottom about alcohol? The story we're all familiar with is the one which says that Eve persuaded Adam to eat the apple and God got all pissed off and banished them both from Paradise.

But what sort of parent gets annoyed when their child eats too much fruit? It's my supposition that the entire first book of the Bible is actually an allegory about the evils of liquor, specifically hard cider; and this Eve chick was an early pioneer in the field of fermentation whose success necessitated her being recast as the villain who has doomed all of humanity.

Sun, 20 May 2012 01:00:42 UTC | #942333