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← A past Muslim . . . now an atheist in Pakistan

QuestioningKat's Avatar Jump to comment 7 by QuestioningKat

You are "imprisoned" with no way to think for yourself or voice your views. I would get a metal or clay bowl or basket and a couple sheets of thin lightweight paper. Tissue paper is good because it burns fast. Find a private area and spill your guts onto the paper. Write what you think, feel, fear, and hope. Write fast and furious. Start with the anger, fear, etc. and move towards hope. After you are done crying or punching pillows, take it outside and burn every bit of what you wrote and be sure to burn any paper with indents of your writing. You may need to do this several times. If anyone questions what you are doing say something like "with Ramadan we fast and cleanse our body, I am cleansing my mind." Any further inquiry or if you feel inauthentic about saying the previous...say "it is a personal matter." Be careful of your words. Calmly reassure that everything is fine. Say very little or nothing until you are safe. You may even want to shred the papers a safe and private place to burn your writings is at a distance.

Not sure if this would be something permitted or suspicious within your culture, but you need an outlet; you are bottled up.

I think if you do this enough, you will find the courage to face yourself. I would also start thinking about leaving the country.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 02:19:24 UTC | #948881