The brainwashing of emotions and thought gets you trapped in cycles along the lines of the following: (It would be good for everyone to share what thoughts used to derail rationality for them)

1) I am a loving person and if I even let myself begin to doubt a loving person/god made me this way I have begun to feel it will be like betraying my own love.

2) I have been told god has endless love for me so how could anyone doubt such an individual? It will be like the most loving person got dumped.

3) I love my family and doubting that the same mind put us here feels like deserting my whole family - especially if there is this after life.

4) My family are even expressing bereavement at me if I dare doubt being with them after death. I don't know how to escape this mental trap.

5) I don't even know whether I half believe due the fears or believe because I think it's true. This split emotion-split thinking conundrum actually stops me being able to see the hard facts and look at things in a healthy sensible frame of mind. ( The brain really cannot process rational thought due this god filter derailing the brain and causing it repetitive collateral damage and anxiety)

6) If I don't believe in Santa he may not bring me presents, plus now there is an evil place for all none Santa people. Maybe I should just act it all out?

7) If the final curtain opens and makes me look a complete failure, how will I explain myself as anything other than evil since they all warned me about it.