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Nihilism, absurdism, consciousness and free will

I went to a catholic primary school and of course took the existence of god as a given, as this idea was reinforced daily. I went to a state (secular) high school. As a teenager my reasoning abilities and curiosity developed. Without the constant indoctrination that god created the universe and everything in it I began to seek logical explanations for the existence of everything, including us. (I caused most of my science teachers to miss a number of lunch breaks while I quizzed them on subjects unrelated to the topics taught at the time.) I became a big fan of popular science literature and soon realised that there were logical explanations for the existence of the universe without the need for a god or any supernatural forces.

Later in life I began to ponder my own existence. The conclusions I have come to are nihilistic and absurdist if my understanding of these terms is correct. I can see no logical reason to attribute any special properties to people or other living things than any other arrangement of matter. To continue this train of thought to what I see as its logical conclusion, consciousness must really be an illusion, albeit a very convincing one by its very nature. I can certainly see why consciousness, or the illusion thereof, would be enormously beneficial to the survival of a species but can see no logical argument for consciousness to be real. By this I mean that I can see no logical argument for a “self” that is separate from brain function. Numerous cases of survived brain injury seem to support the idea that consciousness is no more than the result of brain function. So if we are no different from any other matter in the universe, the behaviour of which is governed by the laws of physics, (whether we understand them fully or not) then free will must also be an illusion.

As the measure of a theory is in how well it stands up to scrutiny, I would like to know what logical arguments have been presented against nihilism and absurdism, or was I destined to submit this post from the moment the universe came into existence?



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