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God's killings in the Bible

Many here will know the Sceptics’ Annotated Bible website: the supremely useful, and equally entertaining, deconstruction of Biblical, Koranic and Mormonic knowledge.

The author, Steve Wells, describes himself as a man who ‘has spent way too much time (the last twenty years) analysing the three worst books ever written.’

Well, his twenty years were well-spent.

Now available in more portable form is his astounding catalogue of Biblical killings. Never before have God’s megasanguineous talents been laid bare with such clarity, conciseness, and sardonic wit. It’s the latter attribute which makes Steve’s offering such a delightful read.

Wells takes his title from God’s (far from idle) boast in Deuteronomy 32:42: ‘I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh.’

The most chilling stories in the Bible are virtually unknown since Christians treat the Bible like a software license: no one in the history of humanity has ever read the whole thing. You need only to skip to the end and click ‘I agree.’

He goes on to compare the number of Biblical killings attributable to God and to Satan. I won’t spoil the story by revealing the final answer, and just how close the battle was: you’ll have to buy your own copy.

The dead-tree-format version appears to be available only from the USA. But there’s a Kindle version too, available everywhere.

I downloaded a copy yesterday, then spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the lounge of the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Kuala Lumpur, devouring both Steve Wells’ wit and an English afternoon tea, by myself, and laughing out loud. A more delightful way to spend a rainy afternoon has not yet been invented. For me at least, if not for those around me.

If ever there’ll be a reason for the unkindled to enkindle themselves forthwith, this is it. And while you’re at it you can download a great tranche of other stuff, including the whole of the KJV Bible, free of charge.

Thus armed, one may enter battle with even the most committed Christian theist. A few clicks of the search function and one can, according to taste, inclination and target, deploy the vilest, most absurd or most pornographic Biblical quotes.

Not heaven itself, against this electronic Pierian spring has power.

So there it is. I entreat all fellow non-believers to gird their loins with a leather Kindle, then load it up with Steve Wells’ new book and the KJV. You might like some useful stuff from a couple of blokes called Darwin and Dawkins, too.

It’s a most effective weapon to use against intransigent theists, and it’s a lot easier to carry through airports than a hand grenade.

Have fun!



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