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A Short Story: David - Comments

Quetzalcoatlus's Avatar Comment 1 by Quetzalcoatlus

I really enjoyed it! Well written and funny. Specially the part of killing Mark.

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:42:36 UTC | #896461

KeithV's Avatar Comment 2 by KeithV

...I laughed, I (almost) cried...

Brilliant, looking forward to the next chapter.

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:23:12 UTC | #896483

svmaggieb's Avatar Comment 3 by svmaggieb

Absolutely Brilliant!

This would make an amazing skit, maybe in a holiday pageant.

Thank you. And Merry Christmas!

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 17:42:59 UTC | #896505

crookedshoes's Avatar Comment 4 by crookedshoes

nicely done.

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 17:55:34 UTC | #896513

(R)evolutionist's Avatar Comment 5 by (R)evolutionist

oh, it's dripping with irony. I love the part where the christian woman struggles for clever arguments. I guess that was from line 1 to the end

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 19:37:31 UTC | #896544

jel's Avatar Comment 6 by jel

That was fun to read, are you going to do any more chapters?

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 21:40:22 UTC | #896587

alaskansee's Avatar Comment 7 by alaskansee

All together now...

Yes, but that's not the bit we believe in, you athiests have no theological understanding, so unsophisticated!

Very good but of course open to the usual critisim, you just don't understand... Also if someone's waiting for a bus and a young earth creationist where oh where do they live? It can't be the US, no buses, or the UK, no YEC's? Perhaps a tweaking that makes it less unbelievable, say a YEC waiting for the second coming with their grandson? ;-) But then it would never come and there would be no literary climax!

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 23:37:03 UTC | #896629

KJinAsia's Avatar Comment 8 by KJinAsia

Excellent.

But if the Barbara character was more true to life as a true believer, she probably would have resorted to scolding the boy for disobedience about one third of the way through the dialogue. If the Barbara character was replaced by a priest...probably worse.

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:32:16 UTC | #896675

MarkMyers's Avatar Comment 9 by MarkMyers

Nice.

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 06:51:27 UTC | #896687

Jumped Up Chimpanzee's Avatar Comment 10 by Jumped Up Chimpanzee

Now I'm confused.

Is Spiderman real or not?

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:31:56 UTC | #896798

MarkD's Avatar Comment 11 by MarkD

I really liked this. Thanks for sharing!

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:04:29 UTC | #896810

HardNosedSkeptic's Avatar Comment 12 by HardNosedSkeptic

I liked it too - and not just because my name is David.

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:30:45 UTC | #896833

Luke_B's Avatar Comment 13 by Luke_B

Thanks everyone! Glad you appreciated it. This site did seem like a good source of the kind of people who might get it.

Jumped Up Chimpanzee:

Well you can't say that he definitely doesn't exist as there's no proof. So the only logical thing is to put yourself at 6.9 on the 7 point scale of disbelief. In other words sling Spiderman right up there with fairies, unicorns and gods as things that might potentially exist, but most probably don't.

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:53:42 UTC | #896865

Jumped Up Chimpanzee's Avatar Comment 14 by Jumped Up Chimpanzee

Comment 13 by Luke_B

Well you can't say that he definitely doesn't exist as there's no proof. So the only logical thing is to put yourself at 6.9 on the 7 point scale of disbelief. In other words sling Spiderman right up there with fairies, unicorns and gods as things that might potentially exist, but most probably don't.

Well, something must have caused the Big Bang, and I'm not claiming to know what it was, but could it have done it without spidey senses?

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 23:26:36 UTC | #896917

DLJ's Avatar Comment 15 by DLJ

A sublime story. Thank you.

May I humbly suggest a little something for a future episode (please write one); in fact, I was expecting it once the story moved into Spidey territory...

Isn't the proof of Spiderman self-evident in that "it was written" ... in the holy comic?

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:00:34 UTC | #897129

Capt. Bloodeye's Avatar Comment 16 by Capt. Bloodeye

I began this with a raised eyebrow, but its actually very good. Excellent for children. and can be read on multiple levels. Good job Sir!

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:51:32 UTC | #897148

Capt. Bloodeye's Avatar Comment 17 by Capt. Bloodeye

At least Iron Man is real anyway. He lives in California apparently.

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:52:47 UTC | #897149

bodierock's Avatar Comment 18 by bodierock

I absolutely loved this . I am a kindrgarten teacher and this falls down my alley and made me laugh ! I just joined to show my story, and your story was my first to read .great work !

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:28:34 UTC | #897222

GrunnenEnSeyst's Avatar Comment 19 by GrunnenEnSeyst

Smiling throughout. It's funny, in a way, that these religious arguments are so easy to see through, and yet so many people refuse to see that. Or can't see it. Well written btw, really enjoyable.

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:05:16 UTC | #897240

joecatholic's Avatar Comment 20 by joecatholic

reminds me of the old saying, and a child shall lead them.

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 05:02:27 UTC | #897391

joecatholic's Avatar Comment 21 by joecatholic

I know it is a story and hate to be the spoiler. But it takes a certain amount of maturity to make sense of all these flippant religious cliches. But I think the premise of the story far more confusing than theology. Is this a British idiom that 'two busses always come at once'. I agree that Mum's explanation is entirely inappropriate. But even I would not say that two busses come at once because God works in mysterious ways.

There is no point to asking why coincidences happen when they are non-systematic events. To a child not prepared for this 'inverse insight' it may have seemed to Mum a good idea to give him a cover story. An ill-advised but certainly not a blame worthy thing. Write a novel. Supposing two busses came at once and two lovers, long since parted, stepped off either one and met coincidentally. Then God worked in a mysterious way. Or at least if they were to cherish that belief for a life time they could not be considered blameworthy.

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 05:18:06 UTC | #897397

DLJ's Avatar Comment 22 by DLJ

BTW, is the number 27 still the bus to Hackney (or 'acne', if you're local)?

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:17:18 UTC | #897438

Luke_B's Avatar Comment 23 by Luke_B

JumpedUpChimpanzee:

Spiderman needed to be bit by an irradiated spider to become Spiderman so he couldn't have started the Big Bang becasue spiders had to have come first! So we're back to the old who created the creator problem. As for Iron Man? Well that's seems perfectly logical.

Joecatholic:

Yes the two buses saying is a British thing. It goes 'Typical, you wait ages for one bus and then two come along at once'. People say it because it's often true (Typically due to a traffic bottleneck. This makes the first bus late and while it's stuck the next one catches up with it and consequently they arrive at the same time). We like saying it because it just gives us another thing besides the weather to complain about :-). The premise of the story is that the father made this complaint, the child took it literally and asked his nan why it was true. Instead of going into depth to explain it she decided to opt for the 'easy' light-hearted answer of goddidit, but this turned out to be the more difficult choice in the end.

DLJ:

Not being a Londoner I can't say to be honest! I choice 27 simply because it's the number of the house I grew up in.

Thanks again for the appreciative comments. As for a follow up...we'll see.

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 10:03:55 UTC | #897467

xmaseveeve's Avatar Comment 24 by xmaseveeve

A great wee dialogue - thank you. Read 'Shredni Vashtar' by Saki.

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:51:31 UTC | #934051